Random musings on suffering

I was sitting here wondering to myself...what is it that makes something taboo?? I know in the past many things have been dubbed taboo by religions and governments, for example paedophilia, which before the rise of christianity was the norm in Ancient Greece, as well as homosexuality (they regarded it as combining wisbom and youth; something seldom achieved by anyone). However, what really got my mind spinning was the idea of sadomasichism. Something still commonly regarded as taboo and by many simply incomprehendable. But one needs to simply look around them for all of two minutes to notice that in almost every form possible suffering is exploited and its audiences take pleasure out of it. People go on chat shows to share the pain of their situations (something that has always seemed quite narcassistic to me, as enjoyment seems to be taken from their pain and the reaction it provokes in others). It is further seen in programmes such as Big Brother and on a more respectable level in the news.
The simplest explanation would be that it allows people to witness pain, misfortune and even atrocities from the comfort of their own homes, safely percieving an outcome they would never hope to happen to them, but this seems overly simplistic, there must be something universal in its existence as in any country, of any economic status and regardless of the political ideologies that lay the foundation of their society, this same occurance is found. Further, due to the universal experience of suffering that each person feels at any point in their lives, it would seem more logical that we would have more compassion for others and less interest in suffering of others.
On a psychological level, this could be more easily explained. It could be that due to our various complexes and insecurities that we, to some extent, feel deserving of pain and feel that others are deserving of this too, for without the existence of others we would not have the various complexes and insecurities. IS IT HUMAN NATURE TO BE IN CONTINUOUS COMPETITION WITH OTHERS AND CONSEQUENTLY OURSELVES? ONLY RESULTING IN PSYCHOLOGICAL COMPLEXES AND DELUSION? Surely evolution would have ridden us of such a self destructive habit!??
... I JUST DON'T KNOW!!

I’m not quite sure how to start this… so it will probably all seem quite incoherent.. maybe most people begin typing with an idea in their head or some kind of purpose but I am just sitting here contemplating things. I should probably start with explaining a bit about myself, I could start with saying that I am a student studying psychology but that all seems too superficial.. after all I prefer not to think of jobs and educational choices as all character defining. So through simply talking about whatever is in my head I suppose I am putting across a more accurate depiction of myself. (Look at that I’ve already rambled a bit of nonsense!) I suppose I decided to start this blog as a small method of escapism though it is more of an outlet if anything (same thing?). It would seem that most things I do in my life lately are simply for this purpose in fact. Battling with my impending Seasonal Affective Disorder (the winter blues basically) I see everyone around me growing complacent with people and situations while I find myself constantly seeking more change which can unfortunately be detrimental to others! I should probably explain this better…

I found myself the other day (not suddenly.. I didn’t black out.. it was planned!) in the bed of a man who was not my boyfriend.. the aftermath was a long contemplation.. it made me wonder what had pushed me towards embarking on this short lived affair.. was there something about this man that had allowed me to take a somewhat more open approach to my desires which I had hitherto been able to suppress (though it must be admitted the temptations beforehand were few)? Why did I not feel guilty? And what is the nature of love and all the ideals that it carries with it?
The following few weeks were surprisingly accompanied by feeling free spirited, easy going and having higher self esteem (is everything we do for our self esteem!?) despite knowing I had shattered one of extremely few morals I hold (I try to be open minded when it comes to morals after all there are few things more subjective than it but I do try to uphold the old ‘do one to others as you would have them do one to you’).
This man had intrigued me for a while and in a somewhat narcissistic manner he was a reflection of myself or what I would aspire to be with a charm that managed to steal my thoughts away from my boyfriend. He reminded me of the main character from Paulo Coelho’s ‘The Zahir’ with an open minded philosophical approach to every aspect of life. Having a partner himself he explained to me his feelings for her, mirroring mine, without ever seeming to contradict himself due to his actions. It made me realise that fidelity should not be considered the litmus test for an individuals feelings towards another, it is simply an ideal. To me it seemed far more important to ensure I didn’t hurt anyone, after all my feelings for my boyfriend had not changed, I knew I loved him and I was happy with him. It seems that society has imposed such norms on us, to the extent that we instinctively feel the need to assume there must be some problem in our relationship if we are tempted by another. Should something that seemed to have such a positive impact on my life and perspective towards everything be considered in such negative light? To me it felt more like a small getaway and I found myself viewing it as separate from the rest of my life hence I didn’t harbour any feelings of guilt…
Depending on ones character I think everyone needs some sort of stimulation in their lives, something thought provoking when life becomes mundane…

I told you it would end up becoming a bunch of incoherent babble…